I'm Not Addicted To Coffee

Well, contrary to what people may judge from my blog's name and my love for coffee shops, i am not a coffee addict. (^^) and that's just a statement i felt like making.

Yes, i sometimes make random statements and they usually appear spontaneously (i blurt them out in an impulse). That may just appear to be one of my negative trait, (especially in the presence of others who disagree with my statement) but sometimes i can't seem to remember to control them. i guess my "talkative" nature backfires at times. Why the inverted comas? Because i'm not really talkative all the time. Heheh, i can see somebody rolling their eyes, saying "Yeah right!". Yes, go ahead and laugh. It's good that somebody enjoys the benefit of a laugh out of something i said (although i meant for it to be taken seriously?).

Still, as hard as it is for some people to believe, there are times when i wish i could just sit down quietly instead of having to initiate a conversation. i know i don't have to initiate a conversation every time but somehow, being the communicator that i am (yes, i am a Gemini) i sometimes feel the urge to end an awkward silence by starting a conversation. You know when everyone is sitting quietly but you somehow sense a strange uncomfortable feeling hanging in the air? Well, sometimes i can't stand that so i need to break the silence.

However some people may not like that, they would've preferred the silence. In the eyes of these people, i'll be seen turning from a friendly person into an ugly annoying chatterbox heheh. To such people, i'm saying SORRY but there's nothing i can do about it at present. I can't change myself overnight and i can't help it if you can't seem to like me for who i am and laugh things off saying "there you go again" (but then again, they may not be people who know me well, so they can't do that hehe).

Why do i even bother? i shouldn't always try to please other people because the most important person for me to please is myself. It's not once or twice i came home in the past, wishing i'd done or said things that would not offend or irritate other people. But always thinking about what others may feel that way had caused me to believe that i am indeed an irritating and annoying person and just listening to me talking is an agony. My ability of speech that was once viewed as a gift really felt like a double-edged sword then - it pierced my heart. Okay, enough of that agony talk, i can't stand pessimism or negative emotion for long because they may drive me to depression ;p

Anyway, having realized that in the past, i ceased to care, not as much as turning into a cold person but enough to take care of my heart. After all, i don't think they give a damn about what i feel too :) it's up to me to take care of my own. I couldn't say i've been successfully managing up to now though; i still think a lot of others' feelings and thoughts, but i'm moving on, not crumbling because deep down i know who i am..

..and i know i'm Not Addicted To Coffee, no matter what you think ;p (yeah, i just felt i had to end with that statement hehe)

Goodnight! May God bless us all. Amen.