I decided to stay home this morning because of some minor bowel problem (><) heh.. It's better now but it's too late to catch the bus for field posting. I'll be attending the afternoon class though.
My mom wouldn't like to hear this kind of thing, "If you don't take care of yourself well, you're going to miss out on a lot of things!" is what she tells me sometimes. Although mom is the worrier-type, I think she's handling better nowadays :) It must be the fresh air hehe. Personally, I'm not the type who likes to be late or miss important lessons/appointments because of my own incompetency - my failure to manage time or control my mental and emotional health (in other words managing stress), or failure to avoid something which is preventable (such as getting sick due to lack of sleep or not eating right). Rather than blaming so many factors, I usually tend to blame myself for lack of performance or for not being strong enough because from my point of view, everyone struggles in life and compared to so many others, I'm in a much better situation. That's why people who keep giving excuses or talk about their minor hardships everyday don't really appeal to me, because that's exactly the kind of person I don't wish to become.
However, blaming oneself too much is not a good thing. It was said that too much or too less of something is not good - everything has limitations. In my case, my relationship with other people is affected. I take relationships e.g. friendship seriously. When things go wrong, turn sour or the mood becomes a bit awkward, I have the tendency to feel responsible - although I may have done nothing wrong. This is tiring. But I was taught that if we entertain our personal troubles or thoughts too much we won't get anywhere in life - we won't be able to move on. So I tried my best to put unhappy experiences behind but there are times I feel uncomfortable too.
Many people say I talk a lot - and that's all they know about me. These people noticed when I'm noisy but what they don't notice is that I have quiet moments just like others too; and that might be because they're in their own world as well ^^ I agree that I have strong opinions about things though haha, maybe due to the way I was brought up and education I received in school (I used to join debates ;p). I'm a little bit apprehensive in trusting people. I make friends but I'm only close with a few, and my innermost thoughts, difficulties and worries are usually shared only with my parents, Lou or on some rare occasions with people I'm close or comfortable with. Most of the time they are kept to myself, which I try to bring to prayer. There are times I break down. It's not like I'm a perfect being, I am only human after all.
Ahh, now where am I going? This is turning into serious talk. Am I trying to be philosophical?Haha.. Anyway, there's one good thing about missing the bus today. I get to catch up with some of my reading. There's just too many subjects to read about and I have short term memory (excuses, excuses hehe). I need to read more but I always feel tired and sleepy at the end of the day. Have to find solutions for that! ^^ Break finished! Back to book mode.
